Try This Tuesday: Happy or sad?

We've been trying to work with Bitty lately on recognizing emotions / facial expressions, using his Thomas trains. The good thing about this is that he loves Thomas so it's easy to get his attention using the trains. I'll hold up a train and ask, "Is James happy or sad?" When he wants to play, he'll bring me a train and ask "Iss Jayss happy o' sah?" At first I thought he was asking me the question, but have since figured out that he not only repeats what I say, but will often say what he wants me to say, in hopes that I'll repeat him. (example: when he asks me "you wah yo' cup?" what he really means is I'm supposed to ask him if he wants his cup, lol.).

He doesn't always get the "right" answer, and I haven't been able to figure out yet if he really doesn't know them yet, or if he's doing it because he thinks it's funny to answer "wrong." (He does that with other things, but when I know that he knows the answer, then I know he's just being silly).

The not-so-great thing about using his trains for this is that most of them are smiling so we don't have as broad a range of emotions there as I would like. In brainstorming ideas to work on a wider range of facial expressions, I remembered the emotions chart that Julie made a while back for her son. I think I'm going to make something similar using Thomas character faces.

Another tool I came across recently for teaching how to recognize emotions through facial expressions is a game created by Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect) for the Thomas the Tank Engine website that asks players to choose which engine's face is happy, sad, scared, etc. You can find the game online here (it's a free, web-based game). My only issue with the game is that the instructions are not read aloud so unless the child playing the game can read, they won't be able to play independently, but they can play with an adult helping / reading instructions to them.

I tried playing it with Bitty but he doesn't like being read to and likes to play at his own pace in his own way, so he quickly bored of me trying to help him read the instructions... I'll have to work on teaching him to recognize the words happy, sad, angry, etc. so he can play on his own. He's not really reading yet but he does recognize some words, mostly the names of Thomas characters (of course!). He is more interested in them than in his own name.

What other ideas have worked for you in teaching your children how to recognize facial expressions?


Related: Thomas & Friends have their own video channel on YouTube, here's one about identifying happy or sad engines :).




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Try this Tuesday: Deep pressure

I'm opening this one up for suggestions / input.

My boys like deep pressure and muscular resistance, Bearhug and Little Bitty in particular. Especially Bearhug. To be more accurate, Bearhug not only likes deep pressure, sometimes it's a necessity in the same sense that oxygen and water are needs.

A recent example:

Bearhug and I were sitting on the couch together. I had told him a few minutes before that it was almost time for bed, and that it was time to settle down (he and Cuddlebug had been running around in circles and screeching loudly). Cuddlebug had gone upstairs to get ready for bed, while Bearhug joined me on the couch for a few minutes of tv before bed.

After a few minutes of silence, he told me, "Mama, my brain is angry." He sounded perfectly calm and not angry at all, but I know better than be misled by his tone of voice. If he says he's angry, he feels angry. However, enough time had passed that I didn't immediately know why he was upset.

"Why are you angry?"

"My brain is filled with anger. There's no room for anything else."

"Maybe you should think of something that makes you happy, and let that push out the angry."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because if I get rid of the angry, my brain will be empty."

"Couldn't you fill it up with happy?"

"No, that won't work."

Hmmm...

I tried again a few times, rewording my suggestion and giving him ideas of some things he likes that might help him focus on something "happy" and forget about the "angry." Each time I got the same response. Then he told me I was making him more angry, so I decided to back off for a few minutes.

Then I had a thought. "Are you upset because I told you it was almost bedtime?"

"Not just that."

"Is it because I told you guys it was time to settle down?"

"Yes. I don't want to settle down."

"Sorry, honey, but it's time to settle down for bedtime."

"Mmmhph."

I backed off again. After a few minutes, he jumped up, laid face-down on the couch and said, "put all da pillows on me, Mama."

I stacked the pillows from the couch on top of his back and legs.

"Put da other pillows on me, too."

So I started piling up the couch cushions on top of the pillows, knowing he was trying to get some deep pressure and that unlike his younger years, one cushion was no longer enough.



With about 4 feet of pillows and cushions on top of him, he asked me, "Is that all dem?" It was, but it still wasn't enough.

So I gently leaned onto the top of the cushions to add a little more pressure, being careful not to press too hard. Then I stood back up. He was quiet, and seemed a little more relaxed.

After a few moments, he slowly pushed himself up, relishing the resistance from the stack of pillows as he did. He gave me one of his signature oxygen-defying bearhugs (hence the nickname) and then trotted off to bed, clearly no longer plagued by an anger-filled brain.

As I put the cushions and pillows back in place on the couch, I felt a mixture of gratitude for his ability to instinctively figure out what he needs when his system is "off" and a little worry about the increasing levels of resistance and pressure that he seems to need at times.

I have to say, it's gotten better in that he can express what he's feeling now. When he was younger, I finally figured out that he was finding ways to get into trouble on purpose so I'd put him in time out. He and Cuddlebug never stayed in time out without me having to sit them on my lap and hold them there, which gave Bearhug the perfect opportunity to spend his time-out trying to get off of my lap to get "resistance." If I didn't try to hold him on my lap (trying to redirect and avoid the wrestling match), he'd keep escalating his misbehavior until I did. Thankfully now he can find less confrontational methods and can ask me directly if he needs help.

So that's my question - any suggestions on how to help him get the resistance and pressure he needs sometimes? I'm fine with doing some "pillow" therapy or "Bearhug sandwiches" to help, but I worry that he could get hurt with some of his other methods like crashing into things as he gets bigger. Maybe some exercises like push-ups or something?

Same question with Bitty although obviously he's not as big yet (and thankfully he's good with tight-squeeze hugs and no longer feels a need to head-butt me all the time!).





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Try This Tuesday: Finding things

Do any of your kids (esp those with autism) have difficulty finding things they are looking for?

Mine do. I suspect it may be sensory-related, but I don't know for sure. They are very observant about noticing details and things like that, but when they need to isolate and pick out one thing to search for, they really have a hard time. There are so many times they look and look for something, and when I go to help them I practically trip over whatever it was they were looking for (literally sometimes - I found one toy lying on the floor in their doorway, after they'd been searching for several minutes and had apparently stepped over it several times during the search, and it was an average-size toy, not too small). I can give them suggestions for where to look, and I think they do, but somehow they are still prone to miss whatever it was they are looking for.

Case in point - it's been a while since we played hide and seek, but I typically have to hide in pretty obvious places or I will be MIA for a while, waiting for them to find me. One time I actually "hid" on my bed, on top of the blanket, but with a pillow over my face. They came into my room and looked around and I was sure I was caught, but somehow they didn't spot me.

This can make for some frustrating times when they lose things. Especially small things, like DS games. Granted, those games are small, about 1 inch square, so it would be hard for anyone to find a lost one.

This weekend we had just such a search. Cuddlebug nervously admitted that one of his games was missing (we have stressed many, many times that they need to put the games back into their DS bag every time so they don't get lost - those games aren't cheap!). If they lose one, they are grounded from playing any others until they find it (or a reasonable time, if it is not to be found but thankfully only one has ever been truly lost).

I suggested he look in their "treasure box" because that is where I found the last missing item. He told me it wasn't there but he went and searched all over his room and his little brother's room. He came back to report he couldn't find it. I gave him some more suggestions and asked again if he'd checked the treasure box. He went back and looked again, but returned saying it wasn't there. After a couple more return trips (I try to give him a chance to find it on his own first) I offered to help him look. Within about 5 minutes I had found it - in one of the game cases, in the treasure box.

He was so relieved that he gave me five hugs, followed by a "mega hug." That's new, and I wasn't quite prepared for it. He actually jumped up and wrapped his arms and legs around me. I managed to catch him and keep him from falling, but barely. He's a big kid! It reminded me of when he and Bearhug used to climb up on the kitchen counters only to leap off when we walked by. I was always afraid I might not catch them, but I always did (thank goodness). They never doubted that I would (well, that and they were and still are pretty oblivious to any sense of danger). But they were only 2 back then - he's obviously a lot bigger now!

He was so excited that he even added a "bonus hug" (sounds a lot like bonus points from his games, lol). What a sweetie!

So back to my original question - I don't mind helping him and Bearhug find things, but I won't always be there when something gets lost. How do I help teach them better searching skills?

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Try This Tuesday: Teaching about money

When Cuddlebug and Bearhug started asking questions about why I go to work every day, it was a good opportunity to start teaching them about money and making the connection between work and money. We taught them that the reason I go to work is so I can make money, so we can pay for our house, food, toys, etc. I think at one point, they thought I was physically making quarters at work. I remember Bearhug once telling me something along the lines of, "we're almost out of quarters, can you go to work and make some more?" LOL

When he was five, Bearhug told me once, "You don’t need to go to work anymore, Mama, we have enough toys." How sweet is that? I thanked him, but explained that we still need money for our house and food. Another time, he asked me out of the blue if we were still going to have enough money for our house. Confused, I said "of course, why?" His answer, "you haven't been going to work." Then it clicked and I realized he was concerned because I had taken a few days vacation time. I told him that my job let me take a certain number of days off and still get the same amount of money. He's quite observant though, it hadn't occurred to me that he might get worried if I took time off.

So they learned pretty early on that money and work are connected and that money is not in infinite supply (not even close, haha). We have never done an allowance. Instead, we set up a system of "stars" when they were four, where they could earn stars for doing jobs or for exceptionally good behavior. The catch was, they lost stars for breaking the rules. We used a white-board so it was just as easy to erase the stars as it was to put them up (mwahahaha!). And it was REALLY easy to tell when they got hold of the dry erase marker and tried to add their own stars, lol. I think it was something like 20 stars needed to get a train (obsessed with Thomas much?) and 10 stars for something smaller like a hot wheel or a treat.

This is when they learned the concept of pooling their resources. It didn't take long for them to figure out that if they each had 10 stars, and were willing to agree on one train, they didn't have to wait as long to get a new train. They still do this at school where they earn plastic money for good behavior and often save up together for something they both want from the “treasure box.” As they got the hang of the star system, we slowly increased the number of stars needed in order to get something, (a) because we couldn't afford to be buying new toys all the time, and (b) to teach them the concept of saving up for something.

Just for the record, they didn't earn stars for EVERY job they did. We wanted to teach them that there are some things we do just because we're part of the family (things like bringing mom a diaper for baby brother, or putting your shoes where they belong), or just because we want to be nice, and that we shouldn't expect compensation for every little thing we do. We had specific jobs that they could earn stars for, and they were welcome to offer suggestions if they wanted to figure out ways to do something extra so they could earn more stars.

The star system has kind of fallen by the wayside over time, but it was really helpful at the time.

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Try this Tuesday: Helping others help your child

One of the things we have struggled with over the years is whether and how to share information about our sons' autism & sensory processing disorder in a useful way with those in the community who interact with them on a regular basis - gymnastics teachers, t-ball coaches, church teachers, summer camp leaders, etc.

Here's the dilemma as I see it. Do you tell people about the autism and risk them treating your child differently or somehow expecting less of them? Or do you take a chance that maybe they'll blend in just fine and not say anything, in which case you risk a lack of understanding or worse if your child has difficulty or displays unusual behaviors. There's no right or wrong answer, the conclusion we've come to is the ever-so-definitive "it depends." It depends primarily on what kind of interaction the person will have with your child and how often they'll be working with them.

If someone is going to be working with your child on an ongoing basis, it's a good idea to clue them in so they can be most effective in helping your child be successful with whatever activity they're engaged in. Here are some tips for how to do that.

1. Approach them in a cooperative, non-adversarial way

You want to partner with them to help your child be successful - a goal they presumably would share with you.

2. Share simple, easy-to-understand information about autism / sensory issues / whatever the specific issue is

Sometimes I make a handout to give people that they can read on their own. I keep it short (one page or less) so as not to overwhelm anyone with too much information. I can always provide more if they have questions or if specific issues come up. I also try to tailor it specifically to whichever child the person will be working with, because each of our kids has different areas where they have specific challenges and strengths.

3. Maintain open communication

Ask them to keep you apprised of any challenges and also to let you know when they find something that works well for your child - it may be something you haven't thought of that could work well at home too.

4. Try to observe so you get a sense first-hand of how your child is doing

Observing is helpful if you can do it without being overly distracting for your child or the rest of the kids involved in the activity (depends on what the activity is). If your child is like ours, we often get limited or no responses when we ask them for details about their day or the activities they are in (or we might get responses that really don't make sense unless you were there).

I will admit to having mixed results with this approach, sometimes it works out great and other times, not so much. Some people are more receptive than others. Sometimes people are great and really try, but the boys still struggle for any number of reasons.

There are times when we opt to not say anything up front and just see how it goes, and we've had mixed results with that too. Sometimes the boys adapt just fine and they do great. Sometimes things get off to a rocky start but end up ok. Other times, well, not so much.

I'm curious to see what has worked for other families too.


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Try This Tuesday: Does your child like science?

One day I found Bearhug sitting on the couch reading.

"Whatcha reading?" I asked.
"Bloggy," he answered.

"Bloggy?"

I looked at the cover of his book. "Oh, Biology." LOL

We found the book at his school's book fair a couple of months ago. He and Cuddlebug liked it so much, we picked up a couple of other corresponding books for Christmas, "Physics" and "The Periodic Table."

These books are full of interesting scientific information, written and illustrated in a fun way that kids enjoy reading. By now, Bearhug and Cuddlebug have read all three of them cover to cover and continue to refer to them almost every day. Each topic has a one-page summary and a cartoon-like illustration.

Here are some excerpts:

Biology: Life as we know it!
Virus - "I'm an itty-bitty stalker who doles out large helpings of doom... Luckily for you, T Cell and the rest of the immune system are there to drive me away." (they cracked up laughing and read "large helpings of DOOM!" over and over, lol, they are fascinated by viruses)
T Cell - "A member of your body's special forces, trained to kill invaders."
Leaf - "My job is to bask in the sunshine all day long, soaking up as much light as I can. Ah! Sounds like bliss, but I'm no slouch. I make all the food for a plant."
Warning - includes topics like sperm ("I'm a little guy with a big job"), egg, and baby in womb ("I think I might be the most amazing thing the human body can do."), nothing too explicit but it did spark some questions. Lucky for me (haha) we have already had a discussion about that so when they asked me about sperm all I had to say was, "remember the 'special seeds' I told you about a while back? Those are called 'sperm' and 'eggs.'" And they were good with that. :)

Physics: Why matter matters!
Gravity - "I am a mystical mover and shaker, and my field of operations is the vastness of space."
Proton - "A big, chunky hunk of positivity, I hang out in the middle of an atom - the nucleus."
Einstein - "The original absent-minded professor with his crazy hair and even crazier ideas, Albert Einstein was a superstar scientist who took the world by storm."
Electromagnetism - "I stop you from sinking through your chair and your hand from going through this book."
Quark - "We come in six different 'flavors' called Up, Down, Top, Bottom, Strange, and Charm. That may sound to you as if we're just missing Dopey to complete the seven dwarfs, but we don't want to hear your wisecracks!"

The Periodic Table: Elements with style!
Chlorine - "I'm a mean, green, killing machine... I'm even bad enough to battle bacteria in the toilet bowl!"
Gold - "I am not the rarest or the most expensive element, but I am the world's most wanted." (the boys went on and on about the "most wanted" lol)
Oxygen - "I am the powerhouse behind most chemical reactions on Earth."

Bearhug and Cuddlebug have learned a lot from reading these books. Heck, dh and I have learned a lot too from all the interesting facts they've shared with us as they've read them. If you have a child who is interested in science I would recommend these.

On the topic of science, here is a website that the boys found through school that you might like to check out: http://brainpop.com/science

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Try this Tuesday: Travel tips

Travelling with children can be a challenging experience. Travelling with children who have special needs can be all the more challenging. We have never flown with our kids, so I don’t have any tips there, but we have taken many road trips over the years.

The need for sameness
Routine and predictability are especially important for children with autism. Even the most exciting event, if out of the normal routine, can be overstimulating and stressful for our kids. One strategy that has been helpful for our kids is to build as much “routine” as possible into our trips. We stop in the same town and spend the night at the same hotel whenever we travel home to visit family (it’s a two-day drive with kids, so we stop roughly half-way). The hotel we stay in has an indoor pool, so we typically take the boys swimming after we arrive and get settled in. That is their favorite part of any trip! If we travel somewhere different, we try to stay in another location of the same hotel, because (a) they look pretty similar on the inside so it’s familiar surroundings, and (b) they usually have an indoor pool which is hugely beneficial in giving certain hyperactive boys who’ve been cooped up in a car for hours on end a chance to get some much-needed exercise without running up and down the halls of the hotel screeching.

***Important tip*** do not forget floaties if swimming is planned – especially during the winter when replacement floaties may be hard to come by!

Keeping busy in the car
Now that our twins are older, they enjoy playing video games so that keeps them occupied for long stretches when we travel. Little Bitty is not so easy to keep entertained, and neither were his brothers when they were younger. The first line of defense for us is videos, lots of videos. We have a DVD player in the car now (woohoo!) but before we had that, we used to take a laptop with us and prop it up between the seats so they could watch their videos. You can also buy small portable DVD players that would be good for trips. It can get a little frustrating if they want to keep changing videos or watch a particular episode over and over, but it’s worth it. We’ve put a lot of mileage on our Thomas, Spongebob, and Baby Einstein DVD’s.

We haven’t really gotten to the point where we can play “road games” (I spy, etc.) like we did when I was a kid. So we bring lots of books, sketchpads, magna doodles, and a few toys to try to keep everyone busy when they get bored of playing games or watching videos. There are also snacks which helps keep everyone happy :).

Stops along the way
The big benefit of road trips vs. flying is the ability to stop whenever you need to. Stopping at a place with an indoor play area is an added bonus because the kids can not only eat, but run around and exercise / play also. For kids who crave movement, this is essential! In fact, we usually end up letting them play the whole time while we eat, and then we take their food in the car for them to eat. We usually eat at the same restaurants / fast food places whenever we travel, because that way they know what to expect (what the building looks like, what kind of food they have, etc.).

Be flexible
Allow plenty of time to reach your destination. Watch for non-verbal cues that your kids may be reaching their limit and be prepared with a Plan B / Plan C just in case (ie. if we don’t make it to X city, we can stop in Y city instead, etc.). Believe me, the LAST thing you want is a meltdown in a car in the middle of nowhere. Once it starts it’s pretty much impossible to stop, and no amount of stereo or rolling down the windows can drown out the noise – it makes for a very unpleasant trip. (Yes, that would be the voice of experience speaking there, unfortunately).

Most of all, try to relax and have fun!

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Try This Tuesday: Dressing warm

I posted not too long ago about how Little Bitty insists on wearing a Thomas t-shirt pretty much every day. Normally not a big deal, but with the weather getting colder, it has been a challenge (unfortunately, we don't have any winter clothes with Thomas on them, but we're on the lookout for some). If I get something else out of his closet, he runs back to the closet saying, "Tommy!"

He refuses to wear a jacket, coat, or sweatshirt, and when I say "refuses," I mean it takes an all-out wrestling match on the floor to get one of these items on him, which he then promptly removes. There have been a couple of exceptions when I was able to bribe or distract him long enough to slip something warm on him but most days that doesn't work.

So today I thought of something new to try, it's so simple I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. We have several plain turtlenecks & long sleeve shirts, so I slid one of those inside his Thomas t-shirt (because I know he wouldn't let me put it on separately) and put the two on together, saying "time for your Tommy shirt!" He got annoyed because it didn't feel right, and he tried to take it off, but I quickly hurried him downstairs to get his morning sippy cup and that calmed him down enough that he forgot about the shirt. Then I gave him his book fair flyer to look at and he was a happy camper :). So now he gets to wear a Thomas shirt - without covering up the Thomas picture - and still be dressed warm. Yay! :)

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What day is it?

Ok, I know it's already Wednesday, but I wanted to let you know you can find my Try this Tuesday post (obviously written ahead of time since I haven't been online in a couple of days) over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs this week!

If you have bouncy hyperactive children you may enjoy my tip for this week, and if you haven't already, take a few minutes to check out the other tips that are linked up there also!

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Try This Tuesday: A Safe Place to Bounce

All of our boys are sensory-seekers when it comes to movement. They love to be in motion — running, jumping, climbing, bouncing, crashing, hanging upside down, flapping and spinning. Trying to find outlets for all that energy is challenging! In the interest of safety and furniture preservation, finding a safe place for the boys to bounce has been especially important.

Bouncing on the bed was a favorite of theirs no matter how many times we told them to stop. Learning about the 5 little monkeys (you know, “5 little monkeys jumping on the bed…”) didn’t phase them at all. Bouncing on the couch has been another favorite, but it adds years (lots of years) to the appearance of your couch. We bought our couch about 6 yrs ago and it looks about 20 yrs old now.

Getting out of the house and heading for one of those “jumpy” places (with the inflatable bounce houses and slides) can be lots of fun for kids who love to run, climb, and bounce, but that can get expensive. What we really wanted to do was get a trampoline, but our yard is a hill so there’s no flat space to put a trampoline in the yard.

So we opted for a small indoor trampoline.

We were a little nervous at first, worrying they might bounce off of it and hurt themselves, or that they’d fight over it. But so far it has worked out great! We still get the occasional walking on the couch, but for bouncing they go to the trampoline, not the couch or beds. Yay!




And as an added bonus, they can use it anytime, day or night, rain or shine!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Try this Tuesday: Coping with overstimulation

A significant challenge for our sons is coping with overstimulation. To some extent, we can avoid places that cause overstimulation but that's not always an option. Church, for example, is especially difficult -- there are large groups of people, loud organ music and singing, bright fluorescent lights, a myriad of perfumes and colognes, microphones, and in the midst of all that, an expectation that children (and adults) will be calm and reverent. It's a recipe for disaster for kids who are prone to overstimulation and hyperactivity, but we feel it's important for our family to go so we've been working to find helpful coping strategies for a long time.

We've tried a lot of different things over the years, and not all of them have been successful. Getting them out of the overstimulating environment usually works well, so we've taken them on many walks outside around the building, but we were hoping to find a coping strategy that would allow all of us to still participate in church.

One thing that seems to be working pretty well lately for our older boys (now that they have the attention span for it - that's another challenge for another post) is drawing in a sketchpad. They've never been particularly fond of coloring books (they like to look at them but won't spend much time coloring in them), but the blank pages of a sketchpad allow their creativity free reign to draw or write whatever they choose. Sometimes they draw pictures or race tracks, sometimes they write short stories, sometimes they fill entire pages with random numbers or scoreboards (rankings with names and scores) for an imagined competitive event.

Whatever they choose to create, it helps them tune out the overstimulating sights and sounds around them and by doing so, helps them keep from escalating to the point of having to run from the room screaming (I'm not exaggerating). We've noticed a significant improvement in their ability to be reverent and stay with us and/or their class. They don't typically stay seated, because they prefer to use their chairs as a table, but that's a small price to pay IMO. Thankfully, their teachers at church are on board with this too.

You might be wondering, what about actually paying attention and learning in church? We've actually found that the sketchpad helps with that too. They appear to be completely ignoring what's going on around them, but actually being able to tune out all of the excess input helps them focus on what's being taught and they are indeed paying attention. Their teachers have commented to us about how surprised they were to find that they could ask them any question about the lesson and they know the answer. They couldn't tell they were even listening, but it's clear that they are.

The sketchpads can be helpful in other situations too, not just in church. I'm just sharing it in that context because that's where it has been particularly helpful for us.

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Stay tuned - I have recently spent some time looking through their sketchpads and found some very interesting and intriguing things in there, so when I get some time I'll be posting some of their sketches here. :)

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Try This Tuesday: Halloween ideas

I know Halloween is still a little over a month away, but it's planning time for those of us who have to plan way in advance for these things. Personally, I love Halloween, mostly because I love all the costumes :). It's fun to get my kids dressed up (when they will let me) and see all the cute and creative costumes that other families come up with. I could do without the candy, usually we keep a little bit and I take the rest to work and leave it in a bowl on my desk for my co-workers to snack on.

Halloween can be challenging for children with sensory issues, such as sensitivity to different fabrics or difficulty with large crowds, or who have trouble with changes in routine, so I thought I'd share a few tips we have learned over the years with our kids.

Costumes can be uncomfortable for anyone, but for a child with sensory issues, they can be downright unbearable due to stiff or unfamiliar fabric, extra pieces / attachments, masks or face paint, etc. One thing that I have found helpful is to make costumes using regular clothes as the basis of the costume wherever possible. Sweatsuits are especially versatile and useful for costumes. Find one in the color you need (depending on what the costume is) and then you can attach decorations or whatever you want. From the child's perspective, it's no different than wearing sweats so as long as they are comfortable in sweats it should be tolerable for them to wear.

A couple of examples using sweatsuits:

Thing 1 and Thing 2 from 'Cat in the Hat'
with red sweats minus the blue hair

Costumes made from blue sweats,
Thomas fabric, and felt numbers

A couple of examples using "regular" clothes:

Bob the Builder outfits using overalls & flannel shirts
The hats didn't last long but they liked the toolbelts

They already had buzz-cuts, so one year we just
got camo shirts for "mini-Marine" costumes

As for the crowds and excitement, we have found it best to be flexible in terms of expectations, watch for signs of overstimulation and be prepared to bail if needed. Consider doing something a little more low-key. Many years, we have just taken the boys out for ice cream on Halloween. It's usually not crowded (because everyone else is out trick-or-treating or going to Halloween parties), it's a fun treat for them, and they can still show off their costumes :).

A couple of times we tried going to a Halloween party at church. The first time we went, the boys were 3 1/2 and it was way too much for them. The candy part didn't start until later, and by that time they were beyond overstimulated so we left and went for ice cream instead. The following year, we tried going late and got there just in time for the candy part, we missed the other activities but it worked out better for the boys. One year, we tried taking them to the mall for some trick-or-treating and that didn't go well. It was fine at first because we got there early, but as more people arrived it got really crowded and loud, and so we left that early too.

Last year, when I asked them about Halloween, Cuddlebug and Bearhug both told me they didn't want to do any trick-or-treating or parties (Bitty was too young to care one way or the other), so we did our traditional ice cream outing :). They opted not to wear costumes last year. Kind of a bummer for me but I respected their decision.

This year they tell me they want to dress up. I even have preliminary costume picks from Bearhug and Cuddlebug, but I'm not shopping or sewing just yet because I know they change their mind quite often. Once we get into October I'll get their final say on costumes and then start prepping. As for Bitty, we're all set. He doesn't really "get" Halloween so I don't think he'll care about his costume, but since the only thing he ever wants to wear is Thomas, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess he'll be cool with one of the Thomas costumes I made for his brothers when they were younger. :)

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Try This Tuesday: Handwriting help

One thing that our twins have struggled with as a result of autism is fine motor control and hand strength, which impacts their handwriting. They were really struggling with forming letters and having the strength to write more than a few letters at a time. One thing that Cuddlebug in particular had a hard time with was putting way too much pressure on the pencil / crayon so he'd tear holes in his paper and wear himself out with just a few letters. During the summer before they started Kindergarten, we enrolled them in a handwriting group that was offered by their OT (this was in addition to their speech and OT). We knew there was going to be a fair amount of writing involved in school, so we wanted to help them prepare.

In Kindergarten they did writing time in the special ed classroom (they were in a regular ed class most of the time). Their resource teacher and OT used several supports that were helpful, including a slanted board and special pencil grips. We saw steady improvement in their handwriting as the year progressed, although they continued to struggle with it and weren't at the same level as their peers.

When they went back to school after Spring Break that year, we started to notice improvement in their handwriting. We realized that the only thing that had changed was, we'd gotten them each a Nintendo DS to play with on our trip to Texas to help keep them busy in the car. I know it sounds weird, but I've actually heard the same thing from other parents -- that they saw improvements in handwriting after their child got a Gameboy or Nintendo DS.

Playing with a handheld game like this requires repetitive small hand movements, which in their case built up their hand strength and helped them start being able to make smaller letters (they were known to write huge letters). By the time 1st grade started, while their handwriting still wasn't quite where their peers' was, they were writing smaller letters in straighter rows (not lopsided down the page), with smoother lines (not shaky lines) -- a significant improvement!

There are educational games in addition to the usual video games, so they get the benefit of those also. Obviously, we have reasonable limits on how much they can play, but it's nice that something fun has also been helpful in a therapeutic way :). So if your child is struggling with handwriting, consider possibly getting them a Nintendo DS or Gameboy to help build up the muscles in their hands and practice those small muscle movements.

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Try This Tuesday: Chicken nugget math

Dh gets credit for this one. Cuddlebug and Bearhug really like math, and when they mastered adding and subtracting, dh taught them to add/subtract with several digits (with carrying and borrowing).

He then moved on to basic multiplication. They already knew how to count by 2's, 5's, 10's, etc. so it wasn't much of a leap to say "5 x 3 means count by 5's 3 times" so they picked that up pretty well.

We weren't sure how to go about teaching them division, until dh came up with "chicken nugget math." Basically he told them, if you have x number of people and y chicken nuggets, how many nuggets does each person get? (Illustrated below, the green circles are supposed to be plates, lol).
Because it was concrete, visual (at least mentally), and something they could easily relate to, they picked it up pretty quickly. He even taught them remainders this way. For example, if you have 11 chicken nuggets and two people, how many does each person get and how many are left over? The leftovers are the "remainder."

It was great because he'd start with one and then keep building on it. Like, I have 20 chicken nuggets and it's lunch time for the two of you, how many will each of you get? What if Bitty decides to join you, then how many does each person get? What if mama joined too? dada? You get the idea.

So, for any of you that may be teaching math concepts right now, that's my idea for this week's Try This Tuesday :). Hope it helps.

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Try This Tuesday: Meltdown "Evasive Maneuvers"

**Disclaimer** The following suggestions only worked for us when tried at the first sign of a possible impending meltdown, and even then not all the time. Unfortunately, we have yet to find anything that really helps once they are in full-blown meltdown mode, so prevention is key if at all possible.

One of our more successful "evasive maneuvers" to prevent a meltdown when we started to see signs that one was on the horizon, was to get silly. Extremely silly. Here are some examples:

• Say a random phrase that they find funny A couple of phrases that my twins made up are "stink the cat" and calling each other "cheeky belly." Don't ask me what either of these mean, I was never able to figure it out. But if I saw the storm clouds brewing, I could blurt out "stink the cat!" and suddenly they'd both be laughing, meltdown averted.



• Deep pressure, deli style My sons loved it when I made "Bearhug Burritos" or "Cuddlebug Sandwiches." Basically, this is just wrapping them up or covering them in a blanket (depending on whether it's a burrito or a sandwich, lol) and then gently laying on top of them to apply all-over deep pressure. Of course, I added a lot of pretend munching and "yum, yum, yum! I just love [Bearhug] Burritos!" which usually made them laugh.



• Random jokes Something along the lines of "You know what's funnier than twenty-four? Twenty-five!" (another Spongebob reference, lol).



• Tickling You have to be careful with this one, because it can backfire and make them more upset rather than divert their attention to something funny. But, sometimes it worked for us.



• Start counting or saying random numbers / letters / shapes (if your child likes numbers, letters, and/or shapes)

The idea is to catch them off guard and distract them from whatever it is that's upsetting them. Getting silly was sometimes helpful with Cuddlebug and Bearhug when it looked like they were close to the edge of a meltdown. Unfortunately, we haven't yet found much that helps with Little Bitty. Maybe some of these will work as he gets older? I'm definitely open to suggestions if you have ideas!

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Try This Tuesday: Whiteboard Calendar

Lots of people use calendars so this isn't all that original, but for today's Try This Tuesday I wanted to share our whiteboard calendar. Previously I had used a big posterboard with pictures, but the boys were learning to read and I was looking for something that we could re-use month after month. I didn't like the pre-marked whiteboard calendars at Walmart b/c they were too small to fit everything in. With school, therapy, and everything else going on, we needed a little more space to be able to keep track of everything and write big enough for the boys to be able to see/read it.

So imagine my excitement when I found this -- a huge (about 4+ feet long) blank whiteboard. I brought it home and used permanent marker to make the squares for the calendar (so I wouldn't have to redraw those every month), with extra space to the right for notes.

I tried to color code to some extent. Therapy appts were in green, special events at home or school were in red. I wrote the word "school" in blue on every day that there would be school (same for church) and a big "no school" if there was a school holiday. That way, the boys knew every day where they would be going and if anything out of the ordinary was going to happen on a particular day (well to the extent that we could plan for anyway). I had notes to remind us when homework or library books were due.

In the blank space on the right, I listed out all of their teachers and therapists info to help us keep track. There was a note with the carpool times for drop-off and pick-up at school. I had a section for a "to do" list and "upcoming events" (ie. anything in the following month that I wanted to make sure I didn't forget to include when I updated the calendar).

The calendar was great for making sure dh and I were both aware of important dates and deadlines - I was usually the one that made notes of whose homework was due when, and he was usually the one that helped them get it done after school so the calendar helped a lot with communication. It also helped the boys to clarify expectations of what was coming up, as they were prone to meltdowns if anything didn't go the way they expected it to or if they didn't know what to expect. Predictability was (and is) their friend.

CB and BH love calendars. They went through a long phase where they were near-obsessed with calendars. After all, if you like things lined up, and you like numbers, what could be better than a calendar, which has numbers all lined up :). They used to run downstairs on the first of every month as soon as they woke up, excited to see the month's new calendar. I remember one time when I had made the mistake of forgetting to update the calendar, CB said to me, “I wonder what Henry’s looking at?” (Henry is his bear) I told him I thought Henry was watching cartoons with us, but he said, “I think Henry’s looking at the calendar and thinking it doesn’t look like October.” Oops! I hadn’t updated it yet… I guess that was my hint :). I asked him if he thought I should go ahead and change it to October and he and Henry both nodded, LOL. It was great because a few months prior to that he'd have had a full-blown meltdown over the calendar not being updated by the time he woke up on the 1st. I was proud of him :).

You may have noticed that I'm talking past-tense here about our calendar. Sadly, after about 2 1/2 yrs of use, being taken down and put back up repeatedly and having boys put stickers on it and do some of their own coloring on it, our calendar was looking pretty worse-for-wear. So, when we recently painted our living room walls (to cover up all the lovely artwork!), we opted not to put it back up (dh didn't want an eyesore on his newly painted walls, and I can't say I blame him!).

We'll probably get a smaller one that will fit on the fridge to use now. With all 3 boys starting school again soon, we're definitely going to need something to help us keep track of everything as well as give them the peace of mind of knowing what to expect every day. Maybe we'll do a separate picture calendar for LB. Although the one I made him recently to countdown to school starting is now missing... he like it so much he took it off the fridge to play with it and now I have no idea where it is!

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Try This Tuesday: Shortcuts

One of the things about our twins that was simultaneously impressive and frustrating when they were younger, was that they were great with directions / navigation. Anywhere that they had been more than once, even if it was a 30 minute drive from home, they could remember how to get there again and they knew if we missed a turn. They are better than me with directions, that's for sure.

The frustrating part was, they went ballistic if we missed a turn, or if we took a different route, or if we said you were going to Walmart but then had the nerve to stop for gas first (after all, we didn't say we were going to the gas station, we said we were going to Walmart). I'm talking screaming, thrashing, kicking, hysterical boys in the back seat. This was before they were dx'd so we really didn't understand why they got so upset over things like that.

Once they were dx'd, we started to better understand their need for routine and the fact that they attached great significance to even the most mundane (to us) details (like which route to take to get to a particular place). For the sake of our sanity (what was left of it anyway), we knew we had to find a way to teach them that it was ok if we took a different route or made a stop along the way, we'd still arrive in the same place at the end.

One thing we did was to draw out some crude maps of our area and show them visibly how you can start at a place and there can be two different roads that will get you where you want to go. We taught them the concept of "shortcuts" (it didn't really matter if the "shortcut" was actually shorter or not) and whenever we needed to make a pitstop or go a different way to get somewhere, we'd tell them we were taking a "shortcut."

At first, they'd scream whenever we said we were taking a shortcut. But when we got to our destination, we'd point out, "see, we took the shortcut and we still made it here ok. There is more than one way to get to _________." It took time, but eventually, they caught on and accepted the idea, which made car trips much more pleasant!

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Try this Tuesday - A Restaurant Guide

When you have kids with autism, venturing out with the family can be a challenge. We’ve certainly had our share of fiascos, and that’s putting it mildly. With a lot of persistence, we’ve had successes too. Aside from ensuring that the planets are in just the right alignment, and your children are in good moods, with no one overly tired or cranky, here are a few things we’ve learned along the way:

#1 – Find a restaurant where your child feels comfortable

“Family-friendly” is a start, but it’s probably not enough. This one will take some trial and error, but it makes a huge difference to the success of the outing. If you’re trying something new, a little reconnaissance might be in order, even if it just checking out pictures and menus online to see if it is likely to be overstimulating and if they have menu choices that your little ones will like.

#2 – Go back to the same places over and over

Once you find a restaurant your kids are comfortable with, keep going back. This has two benefits – first, overstimulation is less likely when the environment is familiar, and second, the staff will get to know you. If they know you’re a regular customer they may be more willing to be kind / patient toward your family.

#3 – Go when they’re not busy

We always plan to go between meal times, when the restaurant is least likely to be busy. It’s a good idea to be prepared with a “plan B” destination in case you get there and find a parking lot full of cars and a line waiting outside.

#4 – Bring activities and snacks to keep your kids busy and happy

You might have to get creative with the activities. Due to fine motor issues, our boys didn’t like to color so the crayons and coloring pages that many restaurants offer didn’t help us much. They also had about a 10-second attention span so toys didn’t work for long. One thing that worked really well was flash cards. We brought huge stacks of flash cards to do while we waited, and our twins loved to look at them and tell us what they were (they had trouble communicating but they were great with object identification and it was fun for them). Now that they are older, Nintendo DS works great :). We’re still trying to figure out what will work best for our little guy.

#5 – Eat fast

No, seriously. By the time your children have waited for a table, waited for someone to take their order, and waited for the food to arrive, they may not be up for waiting while mom and dad eat. This is the double-edged sword of bringing them snacks to occupy them while they wait. We’ve found that this has gotten better with time though.

#6 – Tip well

We always try to clean up a bit before we leave, because our table (and the floor underneath) usually looks like the Tasmanian devil came through more than once. But even with our efforts, the state of our table usually still warrants a good tip (assuming the service was also good). We hope that it also garners goodwill on the part of the staff, so that if our kids happen to have a rough day the next time we come, they’ll be nice about it.

#7 – Take a break

If you can see your child is getting overstimulated, or there’s an impending meltdown on the horizon, or if your child is already upset, take them outside for a break. You might be able to get away with just taking them to the foyer, but we usually have to go all the way outside and sometimes a stroll around the building. Once they’re away from the crowd and the noise of the restaurant, our kids usually can calm down fairly quick (and if not, at least we’re not disrupting everyone in the restaurant). Once they’re ready, you can try again.

#8 – Have fun!

Try to relax and help your kids enjoy the experience. If it’s fun for them, they’re more likely to be pleasant and calm.

#9 – Have an exit strategy

If things go awry, be prepared to jump ship and try again another day. There have been times we’ve had to ask the waiter/waitress to box up our food before it even made it to the table. If there are at least two adults, have one take the kids to the car while the other pays and waits for the food.

#10 – Don’t give up!!

Teaching our children to interact "appropriately" is a PROCESS, one that can take a long time. It doesn't happen overnight.

At age 2, our kids were a disaster waiting to happen in restaurant. By age 6, we could take them out, even to a new place if it wasn't crowded and they weren't already overstimulated, without incident. Had we kept our boys home all these years, we'd still be unable to take them to a restaurant. You have to start somewhere.

We now find ourselves back to "square one" in a sense, because our 3-yr-old, who is also on the spectrum, faces the same difficulties as his brothers, and he's at the beginning of that learning process. Sometimes we choose to save that battle for another day, and just stay home or eat take-out in the car :).

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