Autism and Empathy blog

Rachel recently started a new blog devoted to the topic of Autism and Empathy, with the purpose to "undo the myths about autism and empathy that have stigmatized autistic people for so long." (quoting from her blog description)

I think it's a fantastic idea and am happy to have one of my earlier posts shared there, "Lullaby by Bearhug: Goodnight Baby" about a sweet "brotherly love" moment :).

Go check it out!

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Comforting others

Here's one for my journal... my boys are such sweet blessings :).

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I started feeling a headache come on as I was leaving work to head home. Due to icy roads it took longer than usual to get home, and by the time I got there I thought it might be a migraine. But it wasn't too bad yet and I knew dh and the boys had been waiting for me to get home so we could get out before the roads froze over yet again.

I took my migraine medicine and headed out the door, hopeful that it would start feeling better by the time we got there.

I should have known better...

It just kept getting worse and soon the pounding in my head was joined by nausea. Not good. Dh suggested I go try to rest in the car and I didn't argue. Of course, Bitty is my shadow when I'm home so he came with me.

He was oblivious to the fact that I wasn't feeling well (still working on recognizing those non-verbal cues), and wanted me to read to him. I knew he wouldn't understand "migraine" and probably not "headache" either, so I just told him "Mama's sick. How about if you read to me instead?"

He agreed but must have found something else to do because he never actually did start reading.

Soon dh and the boys came out to the car and were ready to go home. As we walked into the house, Cuddlebug gave me a close, intense look (which I only saw because I had to open my eyes enough to see where I was going). He must have been taking in the hands on my forehead, squinted eyes, and probably a grimace to go with it, because he said in a concerned tone, "Mom, that looks like it really hurts!" "yeah," I answered, "but I'll be fine. I just need to rest." I didn't want him to worry. He patted me on the arm. "I hope you feel better, Mom." So sweet.

The next morning I woke up and it wasn't gone so I had to take a sick day. Bearhug came in to see how I was doing. I tried to smile and told him I was a little better and just needed to rest some more. A few minutes later, he came back carrying his dinosaur pillow pet, which he named "Tri" because he's a triceratops.



"Here's Tri, you can cuddle him if you want."

What a sweetheart :).

A few minutes later he came back. "I decided dat since you stayed with me all night when I was sick, I should come sit wif you." (he had a really bad ear infection recently, all better now thank goodness!)

"Aww, that's really sweet honey, but you don't have to."

"I'll enjoy it!"

Bless his heart. He brought his DS and the new app he'd downloaded that's a music game. The music is actually pretty relaxing, so he thought that might help. Turns out it did, and I was eventually able to fall asleep.




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Empathy and Autism - part 2

A while ago, I posted about Empathy and Autism. Trish's comment on that post got me thinking that perhaps in my effort to make a point (that people with autism are capable of feeling and showing empathy), I may have given a rather one-sided view of things. It's taken me a while to circle back on this one, but in the interest of full disclosure, I thought I'd offer a glimpse into the other side of the story -- examples of when my sons have tormented those around them empathy has eluded my sons...

* Recently, Cuddlebug stubbed his toe and started crying, loudly. Bearhug started screaming at him to stop crying because it was hurting his ears. I told BH that CB had hurt himself and that was why he was crying, and that if it was him, he'd cry too. His reply -- "No I wouldn't, I'm brave." ugh. I told him CB was brave too, but that even brave people cry sometimes.

* As toddlers, they bit each other constantly for a period of several months. Supposedly if kids are on the receiving end of bites, they learn that it hurts and they'll stop. Not so in their case, they just kept on -- I'm talking arms, legs, and backs covered with numerous toddler-mouth-sized circular bruises, sometimes enough to draw blood. Neither of them seemed to make the connection between "when he does this to me, it hurts, so maybe I shouldn't do it to him anymore." Even now, sometimes when they get upset they can attack each other pretty harshly (not biting, but not far from it either). Getting in the middle is insane not advised.

* No matter how many times or different ways I try to tell him, Little Bitty either doesn't understand or doesn't care that it hurts when he constantly rolls on me. He does it all the time, climbs on my lap and rolls around, rolls on top of me repeatedly when I'm trying to sleep (I put him in his bed but he always finds his way back to ours). The deep pressure feels good to him, but after a while makes me want to run for the hills find a good hiding place invest in body armor. At least he finally stopped head-butting me all the time - ouch!

So the reality is that like everyone else, my sons don't always show empathy for others. It's something we continue to work on. I believe my original point still stands, but now you have a more well-rounded view. :)

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