Try This Tuesday: Happy or sad?

We've been trying to work with Bitty lately on recognizing emotions / facial expressions, using his Thomas trains. The good thing about this is that he loves Thomas so it's easy to get his attention using the trains. I'll hold up a train and ask, "Is James happy or sad?" When he wants to play, he'll bring me a train and ask "Iss Jayss happy o' sah?" At first I thought he was asking me the question, but have since figured out that he not only repeats what I say, but will often say what he wants me to say, in hopes that I'll repeat him. (example: when he asks me "you wah yo' cup?" what he really means is I'm supposed to ask him if he wants his cup, lol.).

He doesn't always get the "right" answer, and I haven't been able to figure out yet if he really doesn't know them yet, or if he's doing it because he thinks it's funny to answer "wrong." (He does that with other things, but when I know that he knows the answer, then I know he's just being silly).

The not-so-great thing about using his trains for this is that most of them are smiling so we don't have as broad a range of emotions there as I would like. In brainstorming ideas to work on a wider range of facial expressions, I remembered the emotions chart that Julie made a while back for her son. I think I'm going to make something similar using Thomas character faces.

Another tool I came across recently for teaching how to recognize emotions through facial expressions is a game created by Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect) for the Thomas the Tank Engine website that asks players to choose which engine's face is happy, sad, scared, etc. You can find the game online here (it's a free, web-based game). My only issue with the game is that the instructions are not read aloud so unless the child playing the game can read, they won't be able to play independently, but they can play with an adult helping / reading instructions to them.

I tried playing it with Bitty but he doesn't like being read to and likes to play at his own pace in his own way, so he quickly bored of me trying to help him read the instructions... I'll have to work on teaching him to recognize the words happy, sad, angry, etc. so he can play on his own. He's not really reading yet but he does recognize some words, mostly the names of Thomas characters (of course!). He is more interested in them than in his own name.

What other ideas have worked for you in teaching your children how to recognize facial expressions?


Related: Thomas & Friends have their own video channel on YouTube, here's one about identifying happy or sad engines :).




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Try this Tuesday: Deep pressure

I'm opening this one up for suggestions / input.

My boys like deep pressure and muscular resistance, Bearhug and Little Bitty in particular. Especially Bearhug. To be more accurate, Bearhug not only likes deep pressure, sometimes it's a necessity in the same sense that oxygen and water are needs.

A recent example:

Bearhug and I were sitting on the couch together. I had told him a few minutes before that it was almost time for bed, and that it was time to settle down (he and Cuddlebug had been running around in circles and screeching loudly). Cuddlebug had gone upstairs to get ready for bed, while Bearhug joined me on the couch for a few minutes of tv before bed.

After a few minutes of silence, he told me, "Mama, my brain is angry." He sounded perfectly calm and not angry at all, but I know better than be misled by his tone of voice. If he says he's angry, he feels angry. However, enough time had passed that I didn't immediately know why he was upset.

"Why are you angry?"

"My brain is filled with anger. There's no room for anything else."

"Maybe you should think of something that makes you happy, and let that push out the angry."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because if I get rid of the angry, my brain will be empty."

"Couldn't you fill it up with happy?"

"No, that won't work."

Hmmm...

I tried again a few times, rewording my suggestion and giving him ideas of some things he likes that might help him focus on something "happy" and forget about the "angry." Each time I got the same response. Then he told me I was making him more angry, so I decided to back off for a few minutes.

Then I had a thought. "Are you upset because I told you it was almost bedtime?"

"Not just that."

"Is it because I told you guys it was time to settle down?"

"Yes. I don't want to settle down."

"Sorry, honey, but it's time to settle down for bedtime."

"Mmmhph."

I backed off again. After a few minutes, he jumped up, laid face-down on the couch and said, "put all da pillows on me, Mama."

I stacked the pillows from the couch on top of his back and legs.

"Put da other pillows on me, too."

So I started piling up the couch cushions on top of the pillows, knowing he was trying to get some deep pressure and that unlike his younger years, one cushion was no longer enough.



With about 4 feet of pillows and cushions on top of him, he asked me, "Is that all dem?" It was, but it still wasn't enough.

So I gently leaned onto the top of the cushions to add a little more pressure, being careful not to press too hard. Then I stood back up. He was quiet, and seemed a little more relaxed.

After a few moments, he slowly pushed himself up, relishing the resistance from the stack of pillows as he did. He gave me one of his signature oxygen-defying bearhugs (hence the nickname) and then trotted off to bed, clearly no longer plagued by an anger-filled brain.

As I put the cushions and pillows back in place on the couch, I felt a mixture of gratitude for his ability to instinctively figure out what he needs when his system is "off" and a little worry about the increasing levels of resistance and pressure that he seems to need at times.

I have to say, it's gotten better in that he can express what he's feeling now. When he was younger, I finally figured out that he was finding ways to get into trouble on purpose so I'd put him in time out. He and Cuddlebug never stayed in time out without me having to sit them on my lap and hold them there, which gave Bearhug the perfect opportunity to spend his time-out trying to get off of my lap to get "resistance." If I didn't try to hold him on my lap (trying to redirect and avoid the wrestling match), he'd keep escalating his misbehavior until I did. Thankfully now he can find less confrontational methods and can ask me directly if he needs help.

So that's my question - any suggestions on how to help him get the resistance and pressure he needs sometimes? I'm fine with doing some "pillow" therapy or "Bearhug sandwiches" to help, but I worry that he could get hurt with some of his other methods like crashing into things as he gets bigger. Maybe some exercises like push-ups or something?

Same question with Bitty although obviously he's not as big yet (and thankfully he's good with tight-squeeze hugs and no longer feels a need to head-butt me all the time!).





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Try This Tuesday: Finding things

Do any of your kids (esp those with autism) have difficulty finding things they are looking for?

Mine do. I suspect it may be sensory-related, but I don't know for sure. They are very observant about noticing details and things like that, but when they need to isolate and pick out one thing to search for, they really have a hard time. There are so many times they look and look for something, and when I go to help them I practically trip over whatever it was they were looking for (literally sometimes - I found one toy lying on the floor in their doorway, after they'd been searching for several minutes and had apparently stepped over it several times during the search, and it was an average-size toy, not too small). I can give them suggestions for where to look, and I think they do, but somehow they are still prone to miss whatever it was they are looking for.

Case in point - it's been a while since we played hide and seek, but I typically have to hide in pretty obvious places or I will be MIA for a while, waiting for them to find me. One time I actually "hid" on my bed, on top of the blanket, but with a pillow over my face. They came into my room and looked around and I was sure I was caught, but somehow they didn't spot me.

This can make for some frustrating times when they lose things. Especially small things, like DS games. Granted, those games are small, about 1 inch square, so it would be hard for anyone to find a lost one.

This weekend we had just such a search. Cuddlebug nervously admitted that one of his games was missing (we have stressed many, many times that they need to put the games back into their DS bag every time so they don't get lost - those games aren't cheap!). If they lose one, they are grounded from playing any others until they find it (or a reasonable time, if it is not to be found but thankfully only one has ever been truly lost).

I suggested he look in their "treasure box" because that is where I found the last missing item. He told me it wasn't there but he went and searched all over his room and his little brother's room. He came back to report he couldn't find it. I gave him some more suggestions and asked again if he'd checked the treasure box. He went back and looked again, but returned saying it wasn't there. After a couple more return trips (I try to give him a chance to find it on his own first) I offered to help him look. Within about 5 minutes I had found it - in one of the game cases, in the treasure box.

He was so relieved that he gave me five hugs, followed by a "mega hug." That's new, and I wasn't quite prepared for it. He actually jumped up and wrapped his arms and legs around me. I managed to catch him and keep him from falling, but barely. He's a big kid! It reminded me of when he and Bearhug used to climb up on the kitchen counters only to leap off when we walked by. I was always afraid I might not catch them, but I always did (thank goodness). They never doubted that I would (well, that and they were and still are pretty oblivious to any sense of danger). But they were only 2 back then - he's obviously a lot bigger now!

He was so excited that he even added a "bonus hug" (sounds a lot like bonus points from his games, lol). What a sweetie!

So back to my original question - I don't mind helping him and Bearhug find things, but I won't always be there when something gets lost. How do I help teach them better searching skills?

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Try This Tuesday: Teaching about money

When Cuddlebug and Bearhug started asking questions about why I go to work every day, it was a good opportunity to start teaching them about money and making the connection between work and money. We taught them that the reason I go to work is so I can make money, so we can pay for our house, food, toys, etc. I think at one point, they thought I was physically making quarters at work. I remember Bearhug once telling me something along the lines of, "we're almost out of quarters, can you go to work and make some more?" LOL

When he was five, Bearhug told me once, "You don’t need to go to work anymore, Mama, we have enough toys." How sweet is that? I thanked him, but explained that we still need money for our house and food. Another time, he asked me out of the blue if we were still going to have enough money for our house. Confused, I said "of course, why?" His answer, "you haven't been going to work." Then it clicked and I realized he was concerned because I had taken a few days vacation time. I told him that my job let me take a certain number of days off and still get the same amount of money. He's quite observant though, it hadn't occurred to me that he might get worried if I took time off.

So they learned pretty early on that money and work are connected and that money is not in infinite supply (not even close, haha). We have never done an allowance. Instead, we set up a system of "stars" when they were four, where they could earn stars for doing jobs or for exceptionally good behavior. The catch was, they lost stars for breaking the rules. We used a white-board so it was just as easy to erase the stars as it was to put them up (mwahahaha!). And it was REALLY easy to tell when they got hold of the dry erase marker and tried to add their own stars, lol. I think it was something like 20 stars needed to get a train (obsessed with Thomas much?) and 10 stars for something smaller like a hot wheel or a treat.

This is when they learned the concept of pooling their resources. It didn't take long for them to figure out that if they each had 10 stars, and were willing to agree on one train, they didn't have to wait as long to get a new train. They still do this at school where they earn plastic money for good behavior and often save up together for something they both want from the “treasure box.” As they got the hang of the star system, we slowly increased the number of stars needed in order to get something, (a) because we couldn't afford to be buying new toys all the time, and (b) to teach them the concept of saving up for something.

Just for the record, they didn't earn stars for EVERY job they did. We wanted to teach them that there are some things we do just because we're part of the family (things like bringing mom a diaper for baby brother, or putting your shoes where they belong), or just because we want to be nice, and that we shouldn't expect compensation for every little thing we do. We had specific jobs that they could earn stars for, and they were welcome to offer suggestions if they wanted to figure out ways to do something extra so they could earn more stars.

The star system has kind of fallen by the wayside over time, but it was really helpful at the time.

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Try this Tuesday: Helping others help your child

One of the things we have struggled with over the years is whether and how to share information about our sons' autism & sensory processing disorder in a useful way with those in the community who interact with them on a regular basis - gymnastics teachers, t-ball coaches, church teachers, summer camp leaders, etc.

Here's the dilemma as I see it. Do you tell people about the autism and risk them treating your child differently or somehow expecting less of them? Or do you take a chance that maybe they'll blend in just fine and not say anything, in which case you risk a lack of understanding or worse if your child has difficulty or displays unusual behaviors. There's no right or wrong answer, the conclusion we've come to is the ever-so-definitive "it depends." It depends primarily on what kind of interaction the person will have with your child and how often they'll be working with them.

If someone is going to be working with your child on an ongoing basis, it's a good idea to clue them in so they can be most effective in helping your child be successful with whatever activity they're engaged in. Here are some tips for how to do that.

1. Approach them in a cooperative, non-adversarial way

You want to partner with them to help your child be successful - a goal they presumably would share with you.

2. Share simple, easy-to-understand information about autism / sensory issues / whatever the specific issue is

Sometimes I make a handout to give people that they can read on their own. I keep it short (one page or less) so as not to overwhelm anyone with too much information. I can always provide more if they have questions or if specific issues come up. I also try to tailor it specifically to whichever child the person will be working with, because each of our kids has different areas where they have specific challenges and strengths.

3. Maintain open communication

Ask them to keep you apprised of any challenges and also to let you know when they find something that works well for your child - it may be something you haven't thought of that could work well at home too.

4. Try to observe so you get a sense first-hand of how your child is doing

Observing is helpful if you can do it without being overly distracting for your child or the rest of the kids involved in the activity (depends on what the activity is). If your child is like ours, we often get limited or no responses when we ask them for details about their day or the activities they are in (or we might get responses that really don't make sense unless you were there).

I will admit to having mixed results with this approach, sometimes it works out great and other times, not so much. Some people are more receptive than others. Sometimes people are great and really try, but the boys still struggle for any number of reasons.

There are times when we opt to not say anything up front and just see how it goes, and we've had mixed results with that too. Sometimes the boys adapt just fine and they do great. Sometimes things get off to a rocky start but end up ok. Other times, well, not so much.

I'm curious to see what has worked for other families too.


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Try This Tuesday: Does your child like science?

One day I found Bearhug sitting on the couch reading.

"Whatcha reading?" I asked.
"Bloggy," he answered.

"Bloggy?"

I looked at the cover of his book. "Oh, Biology." LOL

We found the book at his school's book fair a couple of months ago. He and Cuddlebug liked it so much, we picked up a couple of other corresponding books for Christmas, "Physics" and "The Periodic Table."

These books are full of interesting scientific information, written and illustrated in a fun way that kids enjoy reading. By now, Bearhug and Cuddlebug have read all three of them cover to cover and continue to refer to them almost every day. Each topic has a one-page summary and a cartoon-like illustration.

Here are some excerpts:

Biology: Life as we know it!
Virus - "I'm an itty-bitty stalker who doles out large helpings of doom... Luckily for you, T Cell and the rest of the immune system are there to drive me away." (they cracked up laughing and read "large helpings of DOOM!" over and over, lol, they are fascinated by viruses)
T Cell - "A member of your body's special forces, trained to kill invaders."
Leaf - "My job is to bask in the sunshine all day long, soaking up as much light as I can. Ah! Sounds like bliss, but I'm no slouch. I make all the food for a plant."
Warning - includes topics like sperm ("I'm a little guy with a big job"), egg, and baby in womb ("I think I might be the most amazing thing the human body can do."), nothing too explicit but it did spark some questions. Lucky for me (haha) we have already had a discussion about that so when they asked me about sperm all I had to say was, "remember the 'special seeds' I told you about a while back? Those are called 'sperm' and 'eggs.'" And they were good with that. :)

Physics: Why matter matters!
Gravity - "I am a mystical mover and shaker, and my field of operations is the vastness of space."
Proton - "A big, chunky hunk of positivity, I hang out in the middle of an atom - the nucleus."
Einstein - "The original absent-minded professor with his crazy hair and even crazier ideas, Albert Einstein was a superstar scientist who took the world by storm."
Electromagnetism - "I stop you from sinking through your chair and your hand from going through this book."
Quark - "We come in six different 'flavors' called Up, Down, Top, Bottom, Strange, and Charm. That may sound to you as if we're just missing Dopey to complete the seven dwarfs, but we don't want to hear your wisecracks!"

The Periodic Table: Elements with style!
Chlorine - "I'm a mean, green, killing machine... I'm even bad enough to battle bacteria in the toilet bowl!"
Gold - "I am not the rarest or the most expensive element, but I am the world's most wanted." (the boys went on and on about the "most wanted" lol)
Oxygen - "I am the powerhouse behind most chemical reactions on Earth."

Bearhug and Cuddlebug have learned a lot from reading these books. Heck, dh and I have learned a lot too from all the interesting facts they've shared with us as they've read them. If you have a child who is interested in science I would recommend these.

On the topic of science, here is a website that the boys found through school that you might like to check out: http://brainpop.com/science

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