A Mad Crush

We were at the store buying school supplies when Bitty found a little blue ball.

Dh and I were busy looking for the items on the list so we didn't notice the ball at first, until I heard Bitty tell one of the store employees who was walking by,

"This soccer ball has a mad crush on me and keeps following me around!!!"

He carried that little ball around the whole store and kept holding it up telling us (and anyone else who would listen) that the ball had a "mad crush" on him. We asked him where he heard that phrase (figured it wasn't Thomas) and he said, "Garfield, volume 15." He said it was like Garfield's ball of yarn.

Curious, I went looking through his Garfield book (Fat Cat 3-pack, volume 15) and sure enough:

LOL

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Special Olympics ~ Basketball

Little Bitty's class gets to participate in various Special Olympics events during the year... a couple of weeks ago was the first one of the school year - basketball :).

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A Close Shave

Bitty acting out a scene from "A Close Shave for Duck" (from Thomas, of course), with a bubble beard :).

His favorite episodes are the ones with crashes (of course!) and his favorite line, which we hear repeated often as he throws himself to the floor, is "... but it was TOO LATE!!" lol

Have I mentioned how much I love seeing him pretend play? :D

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Handsome x3

We got the boys some new dress clothes for church :).

When Cuddlebug and Bearhug were little, we had a hard time getting them to wear anything other than their usual day-to-day clothes, largely due to their sensory issues. Church was enough of a battle without adding to it by forcing them to wear uncomfortable clothes - and so we have always let them wear polo shirts and khaki pants to church (with the exception of their baptism day).

But, as they are quickly approaching an age where they will be more young men than little boys, we thought it was time (again) to try having them wear dress shirts and ties. Actually tucked in and everything. With a belt (so that's what those loops are for!). And dress shoes. And we figured as long as we're getting our big boys some dress clothes, we'd do the same for Bitty.

You may or may not be surprised to learn that nearly all of the rampant complaining that day was NOT from Mr. Bitty. But by the time we left church both Cuddlebug and Bearhug had decided it wasn't SO bad after all.

"Behind the scenes" of how I managed to get a picture of actual smiles ;). Doesn't matter what they're wearing, these two never pass up a chance for a play-fight. This one is actually relatively mild :).

Peter Sam (the engine, in his best "most interesting man" voice) says, "I don't always go to church, but when I do, I go with Bitty." :)

Taken outside before church... I tried to get one of all three boys together, but as you can see that didn't work out.

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Where did THAT come from?!

So thankfully it's been a while since bathtime was a full-on battle.

Which is why I was totally surprised the other day when I went to give Bitty his bath only to have him not only refuse (yeah, that's not so rare but usually he gets in even while he's complaining and saying he's not taking a bath) but actually start to have a meltdown over it. A screaming, flopping, fit.

When he jumped into the tub specifically to pull the plug, I took the opportunity to very quickly start scrubbing him down. Because I could tell this wasn't going to be one of those times where he fights it and eventually goes along, he was digging in for the long haul. And I just wanted to get it over with, because he needed to go to bed earlier than usual to get up for a dentist appt (checkup) early the next morning.

(As an aside, gotta love this little exchange with dh:
dh: "who scheduled their dentist appt for 8am?"
me: "you did."
dh: "are you sure?"
me: "yes. you scheduled it when you were there for their last appointment."
dh: "oh yeah... why would I schedule it so early?"
me: "I have no idea."
dh: "oh wait... I was thinking of their school schedule, I forgot they wouldn't be in school."
(in July, hehe)
me: "hehe")

Anyway, so I quickly grabbed the soap, blocked his exit from the tub as best I could, and did the fastest wash-down I have done in a long time. As you can imagine, he screamed at the top of his lungs and tried in true linebacker style to push his way out of the tub.

He eventually succeeded, but luck was on my side. The drain was still plugged, and for whatever reason, he just couldn't leave it alone so he jumped back in to pull the plug again.

I had just enough advance warning that he was going back in to grab the shampoo and do a quick scrub of his hair (good thing he's sporting a buzz). I had to get him back in there a couple more times to actually rinse it sufficiently, all the while he was screaming and going ballistic, but we made it through and then I got out of his way and let him out.

In typical Bitty fashion, the end of the bath didn't calm him down in the least. He was so mad he tried to kick the bathtub (to "break it" although I was more worried about his feet than the tub), still shrieking about the injustice of having a bath.

It took him a while to calm down, and he got upset all over again when I told him it was time for bed.

He pointed indignantly out the window, "but it's still BLUE out!!!"

I tried to argue the point, but quickly conceded since I could tell it would only be a continued meltdown in his bedroom and totally defeat the purpose of going to bed early (for him to actually get some rest). So I told him he could stay up until it was "black" out.

And he was fine after that, aside from a few more muttered complaints about the bath ("do I want to take a bath? I don't, do I!! I don't look happy about dat bath!"). And it dawned on me that the whole reason for the bath fiasco could have been the fact that I started bathtime before it was totally dark out.

What was I thinking?!

In hindsight it seems obvious, but it wasn't at the time. With some effort we've managed to convince him that baths are needed every night and we've more or less gotten into a routine of baths right before bedtime. It's not always at the same time (but now that I think about it, it is pretty much always after dark), so I didn't really consider the time factor and didn't think about the fact that the sky turning black is apparently part of the whole bath / bed routine for him.

We have two weeks to undo that particular part of the routine, because school is about to start and it's going to be a while yet before it gets dark early enough to wait for dark on a school night.

Wish us luck!


(p.s. the dentist appt went well, no cavities, yay!)

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Birthday party landmines

Bitty was invited to a birthday party a couple of months ago. He's not a big fan of birthday parties even though I have taken him to a few (he gets a fair amount of invites for a guy who rarely talks about his classmates outside of school). This one was from a boy that he has known since preschool and is also on the spectrum, one of the few people he does talk about every now and then, and so I wanted to take him. I knew he'd have fun since it was a local indoor playground with lots of foam things to play on, etc.

He was anxious about the whole thing and refused to go until I stopped calling it a "birthday party" and started calling it a "pizza party" (not entirely inaccurate, considering the invitation specifically said there would be pizza). We started off on a good foot because as soon as he saw the birthday boy and his whole family were wearing Angry Birds t-shirts, he smiled and relaxed as he admired their shirts :).

Not long after that though, he went to play in the play area only to come running out SHRIEKING as if he'd seen a ghost in there. After I managed to calm him down, I went to see what had scared him so much and found the culprit.

(not the actual balloons, I was too busy comforting my little guy to take a picture at the time and didn't think to do it afterward)

Oh the horror. You couldn't see it from where I'd been standing because there was a little half-wall but when I got up close, I could see the floor inside was covered in these.

Covered.

Much scarier than any ghost could be, right? I mean, those things could POP at any moment and it's loud when they do. Even a lone balloon far away but still within visual range is cause for anxiety, so you can imagine the reaction to unexpectedly finding himself surrounded by several of them.

Seriously, considering my little guy's balloon issues, it is truly a miracle that he didn't INSIST on leaving right then and there. He actually managed to get back in control and go play in another (balloon-free) area. Oh yeah, I was a proud mama. :)

He kind of kept to himself, as he often does. Not in a shy way, rather in a "I'm going to do my thing and you're welcome to play alongside me, or not I really don't care" kind of way. He's generally not much for interactive play, although his brothers are tenacious enough to force it on him at times (when they're not too busy doing big kid stuff) :).

When it was time for pizza and cake it took me a few minutes to coax him away from the foam blocks so we were the last ones in. He found a spot at a table in the middle but then he saw the cake.

An Angry Birds cake.

He didn't care about any of the birthday goings-on, all he wanted was to play with the birds and the slingshot on that cake. He kept jumping out of his chair and running up to "look" at it. Finally, frustrated with his inability to look with his eyes and not his hands, I told him he could look at it from his chair (which was halfway across the room).

Without missing a beat, he ran over and started dragging his chair over to sit next to the cake.

Sigh. The boy is too smart for his own good. One of the dads at the party chuckled at his ingenuity, "you did say he could look from his chair." I was glad no one seemed too put out by Bitty's antics... but I was relieved when they finally blew out the candles and the mom discreetly put the cake toys out of sight. After that, Bitty was fine. He covered his ears when everyone sang the birthday song, but he enjoyed some pizza and cake and then joined the other kids to play some more before it was time to go.

When it was time to go, I slowly made my way to the exit to give him time to transition and it helped. After a few preliminary attempts, he broke away from the foam blocks (again) and went on his own to get his shoes and we headed out. I asked if he had fun and he said yes. It was worth it for that :).

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In his own words

"i like thomas and freinds and i like spongebob i have thomas toys i also like angry birds"

~ found on Bitty's "user information" on the flipnote website. Too cute (and quite fitting, no?) Just had to share.

:)

On a related note, here are a couple of his latest flipnotes.

He figured out how to take sequential pictures and make movie-style flipnotes with them. These are all pictuers of his toys. Pretty creative if you ask me!





This one he narrated himself, I love his voice (and wow he is speaking more and more clearly)! He's quoting a lot of it from "Oliver the Western Engine" in which Oliver gets stuck in a turntable well. I have to give him credit, he couldn't find his wooden Oliver train so he improvised and used another one to play the role of Oliver in his pictures. I was impressed that although he was a little stressed out about it (and keeps asking me where Oliver is, unfortunately I don't have a clue), he was able to come up with his own workaround.




(he changed his username to "spike fan," I don't really know why...)

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Overheard...

Various conversations and comments from the last couple of weeks:


~~~~~~~~~~~

Cuddlebug (reading billboard): 'Red Bull gives you wings'... I wish that was true, because I really want to fly...

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bearhug: Time machines won't be invented in my lifetime, because if they were I would've come back to say hi to myself by now. I would do it at this time because right now is when I'm interested in time machines.

Hard to argue with his logic, huh? :)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bearhug: "Do you know where I can learn telekinesis?"

me: No...

Bearhug: "Daaaarrrnn!!"

lol :)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Cuddlebug: "I recommend you don't ever lick the bottom of my shoes. (pause) I don't use my hands to flush the handles of public toilets, I use my shoes."

Good thing I don't make a habit of licking the bottom of his shoes... not sure why he thought to tell me that. Eewww :/

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bitty's latest thing is "are you just kidding?" whenever we say something he doesn't agree with or answer a question in a way that he finds unacceptable. Sometimes we just can't convince him otherwise, so we finally have to go with, "uh, yeah, we were just kidding..." ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bitty: I wike Thomas, do I? Because he's awesome!!! But [CB & BH] don' fink he's awesome do they? Is Thomas awesome? Am I seven to wike Thomas?

Cuddlebug and Bearhug have been giving him a hard time about the fact that he likes Thomas ("Thomas is for babies!" "I not a baby! I'm a big boy!") but as I keep reminding them, they were really into Thomas when they were 7 too, so Thomas IS for big boys.

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Biology, according to Bitty

Bitty often asks me out of the blue what certain words mean. Because of his language difficulties, he doesn't always pick up on "context clues" and he has a strong preference for concrete, easy-to-visualize explanations.

I do my best, but my walking-dictionary-on-the-fly skills sometimes fall short.

Bitty: What does "born" mean?

me: You mean like when babies are born?

Bitty: When I was born.

me: It means you came out of my tummy. Babies are in their mommies' tummies before they are born.

Bitty: I was in your tummy?

me: Yep

Bitty: Did you eat me?

(groan, HOW did I not see that one coming?!)

me: No, honey, babies grow in their mommies' tummies and when they are big enough to be born, they come out of the tummies.

Bitty: I don't want to go in your tummy.

me: That's ok, because you're already born. You've been out of my tummy since you were a little baby.

Bitty: Was I born?

me: Yes

Bitty: So I not in your tummy anymore?

me: No, you're a big boy now, way too big to be in my tummy.

Bitty: Do mommies eat da babies? To put dem in da tummies?

me: *NO*, no one eats the babies, they're in the tummies to grow.

Having been through some of these discussions w/ Cuddlebug and Bearhug, I had my explanation all ready to go as to how babies get IN and OUT of tummies, but he wasn't having it (after all, when you're convinced you already know something, who needs mom trying to explain it to you, right?). So I tried to change the subject.

I had a lightbulb moment yesterday when I realized that his coming to that conclusion probably had something to do with this little chat earlier that same day as we were eating lunch:

Bitty: Does my tummy have a mouf?

me: No, the food goes from your mouth, down to your tummy.

Bitty: Where does da food go after da tummy? to da WEE-WEEEE??

(yeah, I'm sure the elderly couple behind us enjoyed that little anatomy lesson, lol)

Two completely unrelated topics in my mind, but in hindsight I guess I can see how he put two and two together... :/

He's asked me about it again a few times since then, at random moments:

Bitty: Mom? I don't want to be in your tummy.

me: I know, don't worry you're not going to be in my tummy anymore.

Bitty: Because I was born, was I?

me: Yep.

Bitty: Are you gonna eat me? To put me in your tummy?

me: NNOOO, no I'm not.

I'm thinking maybe I should have dh add a little biology to the mix for his summer homeschool lessons - to illustrate the difference between the digestive system and the reproductive system. Maybe the visuals will help.

In the meantime, I just hope he doesn't decide to start asking questions like that the next time he sees a pregnant woman (sigh).

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On IEP's, speech, and girls

So last month we had the IEP meetings for Cuddlebug and Bearhug to set up their transition-to-middle-school IEPs. The ASD resource teacher from the middle school was there, which was great because we were able to get a lot of our questions answered as to how things work in middle school, both in general and specific to the autism program. I am feeling a little better about the whole thing now that we have *some* idea of what to expect.

This week there is a field trip for the 5th graders to visit the middle school, and also an informational meeting for parents.

While they will have an open house in the fall, the resource teacher said she is happy to set up a separate time for her students to come when it will be quiet so they can take their time to get familiar with where everything is without the huge crowd. That is AWESOME, and we will definitely be taking her up on that!

One of their electives will be a social skills class, which also includes spending some time tutoring kindergartners at the elementary school which is connected to the middle school. I think that will be a great experience for them (and who knows, may even help them develop a little more patience for their little brother... a mom can hope, right?). The teacher said that both her students and the kindergartners really enjoy it, and it's a great learning experience all around.

And... (drumroll please)... Cuddlebug and Bearhug have now officially "graduated" from speech therapy. :) There are still some articulation issues but it's either things that they physically can't help or they know how to make the right sounds in a therapy environment and it's just a matter of remembering to do it in conversational speech which is something we can work on at home. When I told the boys about that they were pretty happy, poor Cuddlebug seemed really relieved. He seemed to like it more when he was younger but not so much anymore... I felt bad when he told me, "a lot of other kids finished speech a lot sooner than me and 'Bearhug.'" He's never said anything like that before so I didn't realize he was noticing (although I guess I shouldn't be surprised, he notices everything). I just told him it's different for everyone depending on what they're working on, and that's ok. I also told him how proud I am of both of them because I know how hard they have worked in speech as well as at school.

His current resource teacher told us they've been talking to the 5th graders about middle school, and letting them share what they are nervous about and excited about regarding middle school.

On both of their lists (both boys and both nervous and excited about) was "having a girlfriend."

Oh my.

Which reminds me of a recent conversation we had in the car.

Cuddlebug: "We're starting to be interested in girls."

me: ('wha?!?!' on the inside, cool as a cucumber on the outside or at least I think so) "Really?"

Bearhug: "Yeah, or at least the girls are starting to be interested in us."

(Now that I already knew, but I didn't realize that THEY knew it yet)

me: "How do you know?"

Bearhug: "A girl gave me a love letter."

me: (still cool on the outside, crying incoherently about how my baby isn't old enough for this stuff yet on the inside) "A love letter? What did it say?"

Bearhug: (totally nonchalant about the whole thing of course) "It said, 'I love you.'"

me: "Wow... what did you say?"

Bearhug: "I didn't respond."

me: (ok, now I'm starting to feel sorry for the poor girl) "umm... you know she had to be pretty brave to give you that. You don't have to say it back, but you should say *something*"

Bearhug: "Oh, I did say something."

(pause to see if he was going to continue but he didn't)

me: "What did you say?"

Bearhug: "I said, 'Aren't we a little young for that?'"


That's my boy ;).

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IEP season is off to a rough start

Last Friday we had Bitty's IEP meeting. Seems like we just had one (oh wait, we did), although that was just an IEP review to update his placement to one that would be more effective for him. We didn't update any of his goals at the time.

So this was his regular IEP to update goals for the upcoming year.

I have always had mixed feelings about IEP meetings... on the one hand, it tends to be a bit of a reality check on where my kids are developmentally, relative to their peers. Since I don't really have that much experience with children other than my own, it can be easy sometimes to get into the "this is our normal" groove and not really think about it that much until there it is, all spelled out.

The upside though, is that the IEP meeting also generally serves as an opportunity to see just how much progress they have made over the last year. For the most part my boys have always mastered at least most of the their goals by the time the IEP year has passed, and while we might carry over a few that they are still working on, the rest are either replaced with new ones or stretched / expanded to the next level.

Until now.

We reviewed the measurements of how Bitty is doing on his current goals, and my heart sank a bit when I saw he was still struggling with most of them. I mean, I know he's had a challenging year but I guess I wasn't quite mentally prepared for that.

Then we started going through his goals for this year's IEP. I actually felt tears welling up (and I don't cry that easily) when I realized we'd been through several and the only change we'd made so far was to lower his reading level in order to (hopefully) help with his reading comprehension. He is hyperlexic (pretty much taught himself to read at an early age and reads beyond his grade level) but still struggles to answer even the most basic questions about what he's read (who, what, where, why, when), even when given the opportunity to look in the book for the answers. He has a visual chart for the "W" questions that shows what kind of question is being asked, and that helps a little but it still takes a lot of prompting.

So that's how it went. For the most part, his goals for 2nd grade will be the same as they were for 1st grade. The notable exception being his handwriting - he still has issues with pencil grip and hand strength but you really wouldn't know it to see his handwriting, it's quite good. We just need to keep working on it so that as he starts having to write more, his hand won't get tired too fast.

The main reason for his difficulty on the rest of his goals still comes back to the language delays, which impacts pretty much everything. His speech / articulation has improved considerably, and his memory is pretty phenomenal so he can recite entire episodes of his favorite shows. He has a pretty good handle on the typical day-to-day interactions (through much practice, and still with a fair amount of effort). But anything new or out of the routine that requires language (receptive or expressive) is such a challenge for him. And educational learning, by definition, tends to be a lot of new information (with some review of course).

It's really hard to see him struggle so much, but I'm so proud of him because no matter how hard it is, he keeps trying and with a positive attitude. Everyone who works with him comments on what a joy he is to be around (seriously they do, that's not just me being biased!) :).

Next up (later this spring) will be the IEP's for Cuddlebug and Bearhug. The ones that will transition them to middle school (ack!). I'm open to suggestions if there are things you think we should consider or make sure to include.

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School / IEP update for Bitty

A while back I posted about some of the difficulties Bitty has been having in school.

Shortly before Thanksgiving, we had a meeting with the school to review his IEP and discuss changes to help better meet his needs. We learned that he was basically requiring almost constant one-on-one support from the resource teacher / parapros in his class which isn't really what they are set up to do. The challenge comes down to communication - if the subject is straightforward and doesn't require much verbal explanation he does great. Spelling, for example. He is a spelling kung fu master :). On the other hand, any subjects or new topics that require verbal explanation are quite difficult, not because he can't understand the subject matter, but because he struggles with language. He's a fast learner and that has helped him to keep up as well as he has, but the whole situation was really stressing him out because he recognized that most of his classmates did not share his struggle to understand what was being said, or what was being asked when the teacher would ask questions.

His teachers suggested he might do better in a smaller class setting, at least for the core subjects, and we agreed to put him in a self-contained ASD class for part of the day (almost half the day when you add up the hours) for math, reading, and writing. For the rest of the subjects he is still in his regular ed class with resource support. It's a much smaller class where all the kids have similar issues and the teachers have the flexibility to tailor to the kids' pace and individual needs much more than in the larger classroom. They also do activities like morning yoga since the physical activity helps the kids focus for learning (honestly, I think all kids would probably benefit from something like that, not just kids on the spectrum). We'll reassess later this year when we update his IEP for next year.

He started in his new class after the Thanksgiving break and so far it is really working out well. His anxiety level is considerably less, he no longer cries about having to go to school and he is doing well academically. He's back to getting all 1's on his daily reports (they have a scale from 1-4 for how he does at staying on task and following instructions with minimal reminders, etc.). It's been hard to see him struggle so much, and although I wish it wasn't so hard for him I'm grateful he's getting the support he needs and relieved that he's back to feeling positive about school.

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Sweetness

Little Bitty actually sleeps in his own bed these days (that was a several-years-long process) but he likes for me to stay with him until he falls asleep. On the rare days that I try to just tuck him in and not climb in next to him, he reminds me, "you wan' to sweep wif me." He's just too cute, and I know I'm going to miss this time when he's older (I already do with Cuddlebug and Bearhug) so I just go with it :).

Anyway, so tonight I was laying there next to him, waiting for him to go to sleep when he reached over and put his little arm around me, patted me on the back and said, "I wuv you."

Heart MELT!!!!

It is SOOO rare for him to say that out of the blue like that, every now and then he says it back when I tell him (which of course I tell him all the time, his response is usually a smile).

I hugged him and told him, "you are SO sweet!"

To which he responded, "I DO wook sweet!"

I couldn't help but laugh because it was so cute the way he said it (reminded me of when Bearhug used to respond to my telling him he was cute by saying, "I AM cute!" lol).

Not sure how to interpret my laugh, he asked me, "aww you jus' kidding?" (he asks that because we joke a lot at our house and he knows that laughter is a cue that someone is kidding).

"No, I'm not kidding. You ARE sweet."

He smiled and rolled over, snuggling in his blankies.

He's sleeping now, I definitely wanted to write this down right away because it's one of those happy moments that I want to always remember in detail :).

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Sibling stuff and autism

Things have been a little rough these last few months on the sibling front. Cuddlebug and Bearhug are quick to get frustrated with Little Bitty, and for his part, Bitty has a tendency to "egg on" their frustration at times.

Some of their frustration is legitimate. They don't understand why he often doesn't seem to listen to any of us and just goes about doing whatever he wants. He often has little regard for consequences as he doesn't always make the connection to his behavior. They don't understand why he ignores them when they try to teach him things, or why he asks them the same questions over and over (and over).

Some of it is just typical sibling stuff - like most little brothers he wants to be like them and do the things that they do. At the same time, many of his interests are "immature" from their perspective and they love giving him a hard time about liking Mickey Mouse or Olivia (not that he cares).

Although his pretend play skills were a long time in coming, he has developed quite a knack for incorporating pretend into his daily life, even if most of it is scripted. For example, when he needs something he'll say, "Eveebuddy say, 'Oh TOOO-DLES!' Oh TOOO-DLES! We nee' some MOUSKETOOLS!!" Just like on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (one of his latest favorites).

Meanwhile Bearhug, and especially Cuddlebug, are not particularly fond of pretending in general, with few exceptions. One of which is their dinosaur pillow-pets, they have created an entire mythology / history around where their dinosaurs come from and actually the two pillow pets often represent a whole collection of dinosaurs (but of course we can only ever see one of them at a time) :). They are constantly harping on Bitty that Mickey Mouse isn't real, there's no such thing as Mouseketools, etc.

If Bitty happens to say something that isn't 100% technically accurate, they will correct him to no end, which he readily ignores and that only makes them more ornery. They get upset with me if I don't continually correct him. I try to remind them that he is only 6... that he likes to pretend and that he doesn't understand as much as they do.

And let's face it, the frustration isn't all undeserved. Bitty tends to get physical with them (he can be a bit of a bully, and has no regard for the fact that they're twice his size), and he screeches loudly anytime they do anything he doesn't like (or if he even THINKS they're going to do something he doesn't like). Sometimes when they are actually trying to help him with something he just screams at them.

We've talked about the fact that he has autism, just like we've talked with them about their autism. One time when I reminded them of that and said something along the lines of "kind of like both of you" and they got indignant with me, "NOT like US!!" I tried to explain that it affects everyone a little differently and that he is more affected by it than they are but they were skeptical.

I didn't bring it up again, mostly I just remind them when they complain about how he's not doing this or that, that we're working on it and that it takes time. They love to point out that they were doing XYZ (fill in the blank) when they were his age, at which point I acknowledge that yes, they were further along at his age in some ways, but that everyone learns in their own time.

Fast forward to more recently... and I overheard this conversation in the back of the car:

Cuddlebug: "'Bitty' has WAAAYYY more autism than us!"
Bearhug: "yeah, but everyone has a little bit of autism."
Cuddlebug: "yeah, we told 'P' that she has autism too because everyone has a little bit of autism but she didn't believe us."

LOL. I asked where they heard that and they said Ms. D. told them. I told them she's right, everyone does have "a little bit of autism" in some ways, but that not everyone knows that, so people may not always believe them if they try to tell them that. I didn't discourage them from talking about it with other kids though, I want them to feel comfortable and open about doing that so they can advocate for themselves as they get older.

Anyway, I've been struggling with how to handle this. I want Cuddlebug and Bearhug to feel comfortable expressing their frustration rather than keeping it all inside. I don't discourage them from expressing their frustration (to a point) because I worry that may only lead to resentment. At the same time it hurts to see them so hard on him and him so indifferent. I want them to all be close, but I know I can't force it and need to let them develop their relationship in their own way.

Dh had another talk with them the other day and it seems to have maybe clicked this time. Leave it to him to find a way to explain the same thing I've been trying to tell them in a way that apparently makes more sense :). He told them that because of Bitty's developmental delays (pretty sure he didn't use that exact term) that Bitty's behavior and understanding of a lot of things is more like a 4-yr-old. So he's "like a 4-yr-old in a 6-yr-old body." THAT made sense to them, and they repeated it back to me when I got home (dh had already given me a heads up about their conversation).

While I'm not sure I love the idea of them going around telling people their little brother is a 4-yr-old in a 6-yr-old body, and I'm not sure how Bitty feels about that (or if he understands it, because I'm sure he's heard it now that his brothers have repeated it several times) the concept does seem to be helping in terms of his brothers being more patient and understanding toward him.

We'll see how it goes.

I'd love to hear any ideas you may have. How have you explained autism to your children from a sibling perspective, especially if you have kids who fall into different "areas" of the spectrum?

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Language barrier & school struggles

We had teacher conferences last month. All in all, it went well, especially for Cuddlebug and Bearhug. They are working really hard and doing great - all A's and B's (mostly A's!) :) and they are thriving in their accelerated classes.

Bitty is also working really hard but he is struggling more with school this year than he has in the past. I'm grateful that his teachers "get" autism and understand the source of his difficulty is language related and not cognitive or attention related.

His teacher shared her concern that he is really struggling with anything that requires verbal explanations or verbal interaction. It's something we've been aware of for long time (obviously), but in 1st grade there is more of a need for language skills to be able to keep up with the class. His teachers have all noted that he is very bright and catches on quickly with anything that is not language-intensive.

The best analogy I can think of is someone who is going to school in a foreign country, and they aren't exactly fluent in the native language... they have the added challenge of trying to keep up with conversations and translate instructions so they can understand what is expected.

That's pretty much where Bitty is at. The good news is, he is not being disruptive or having behavior issues when he runs into difficulty following what the class is doing. The not-so-good news is, he is basically zoning out when that happens. They're working with him to raise his hand and ask questions when he doesn't understand something, but often he just tunes out and ends up either not responding, repeating back the question, or saying "I don't know" when asked a question (the "I don't know is fairly new, he's been working on that as a more appropriate response than repeating back the question since last year).

He comes home with a daily communication sheet with the day broken out into the various activities and subjects that they work on every day and feedback on how he did during each. There's a 4-point scale, with 1 meaning he was able to work independently or with minimal reminders and 4 meaning he need LOTS of reminders to follow instructions and stay on task. He started out getting mostly 1's and 2's but as the school year progressed we started to see more and more 3's, and then 4's.

His teachers often write in the comments that his behavior is fine, it's just a matter of not seeming to understand what is expected or not being able to appropriately respond to questions (eg. answer questions about a book they read during reading time). He tends to do better earlier in the day (but not always) so I think to some extent it just takes a lot of effort and his capacity to put forth that level of effort starts to wear thin as the day goes on. But beyond that I have come to believe that there are situations where he truly does not understand what is being taught due to the language barrier.

He has started asking us on a regular basis what words mean. It's great that he can do that now but I am sometimes surprised by the words he asks about, having assumed he already knew them. And I find it difficult sometimes to explain what one word means without having to define it with another word he doesn't understand. When you think about it, in order to understand the dictionary you have to be starting from a basic understanding of the language.

Anyway, so dh and I discussed and decided that since we know that both his regular ed and resource teacher are well aware of the issue and are working with him on it, we'd see how he did over the next few weeks and if things didn't improve we'd approach them to see if we may need to consider adjusting his level of support.

Well, we didn't end up needing to suggest that, his resource teacher called me last week to say that she and his speech teacher wanted to schedule an IEP review to consider increasing his services at school to better meet his needs.

This is why I love our school - we've been fortunate that most of the teachers we've worked with over the years so far understand autism and they are proactive about meeting students' needs. (it's also a big part of why I'm nervous about the transition to middle school next year - a whole new environment, but keeping our fingers crossed).

We're scheduled to meet next Monday, I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, we're working with him at home also and trying to use visuals and hands-on learning as much as possible. That's nothing new as all of our kids learn better that way, but we're kind of in new territory with Bitty as his delays are more pronounced. Suggestions welcome.

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$1 and a dinosaur is ALL it will take to help a family in need!

I first saw this on Danette's S-O-S blog (not me, another Danette, lol) and felt compelled to do what I could to help. Circling back now to spread the word!

Visit OUR Journey Thru Autism for the details, here's an excerpt:

Kim Laing of of Dauphin County, PA has been a die hard autism advocate over the years. She has supported families with IEP development and through child study team meetings. She created Hoops Basketball, so kids with autism in her community would have an opportunity to play a sport while developing social skills. This is a woman who has selflessly given of herself over the years to support the autism community of which she is a part of.

Her 13 year old son has Autism.

Sadly, on October 12th, Kim and her family lost their home to a fire. Her husband, 2 sons and dog, Mikey made it out safely. Henson, their beloved cat, unfortunately did not survive. All personal belongings have been destroyed. They are currently residing in temporary housing.

Read the rest of their story and find out how you can help!

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National Sensory Awareness Month

October is National Sensory Awareness Month!

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a neurological disorder in which the brain and the senses (all 8 of them!) don't work together as they should. Some examples of this include frequent sensory overload (when the brain is unable to filter out irrelevant sensory input), motor difficulties (when the brain isn't able to coordinate the muscles to respond appropriately to stimuli), and difficulty interpreting sensory input (when the brain doesn't recognize the body's signals, such as hunger).

Individuals with SPD may be under-responsive or over-responsive to sensory input. Some may be sensory avoiders, overly sensitive to certain textures or sounds. This can have major implications for daily living, as they may find only certain types of clothing or food tolerable, and may find some places too overwhelming to be comfortable there. Some may be sensory seekers, crashing into everything, climbing or hanging upside down all the time. Sometimes it depends on the situation, and it's possible to have both sensory-seeking and sensory-avoiding responses depending on the type of sensory input.

Most of the examples I gave are part of our experience with our boys - all three of them have SPD along with autism. It's quite common for people on the autism spectrum to also have sensory issues, although it's possible to have one without the other and there are many people with SPD who are not on the autism spectrum. Sometimes SPD symptoms may be misinterpreted as ADHD, for example when a sensory-seeker is in constant motion, running and crashing, in an attempt to get the sensory input they need, or has difficulty staying on task because they frequently need to be up and moving around.

One of the most helpful books I've read on the topic is "The Out-of-Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz. I read it soon after our twins were dx'd and it really helped me to get a better idea of what they were going through, which in turn helped me to be more patient with some of their more challenging behavior.

If you're looking for (or want to share with others) some insight into what it's like to have SPD, I highly recommend this article. An excerpt from it quotes Stanley Greenspan:

"Imagine driving a car that isn't working well. When you step on the gas the car sometimes lurches forward and sometimes doesn't respond. When you blow the horn it sounds blaring. The brakes sometimes slow the car, but not always. The blinkers work occasionally, the steering is erratic, and the speedometer is inaccurate. You are engaged in a constant struggle to keep the car on the road, and it is difficult to concentrate on anything else."

I've included some links below, feel free to share additional resources in the comments.


Helpful articles:
What is SPD?
How does it feel? - a short but very insightful look at what it's like for those who have SPD
SPD Signs and Symptoms
SPD Red flags

Resources:
Sensory Processing Disorder
SPD Foundation
The SPD Blogger Network

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Hiking trip

We took the boys on a hike, which involved some fun trails, some pretty waterfalls, and a lot of stairs going up the mountain.

Bitty: "What iss hike-een?"
me: "Walking in the woods."
Bitty: "Are we walk-een in the woods?" (I can't figure out how to type the way he pronounces "walk" but it is so. darn. cute!
me: "Yep, we sure are."

These two practically ran up the mountain, but were nice enough to stop and wait for the rest of us here and there. In this one, Bearhug is showing me the waterfall, in case I was too busy huffing and puffing my way up the stairs to have noticed :).

Meanwhile Bitty wanted "uppers" most of the way, thankfully dh handled that although at one point he got tired of carrying and told Bitty "I'll carry you but you have to catch me first!" And Bitty took off after him, yelling "CAAHH--RRY!!!" lol

Leaving proof (I wish I had three arms!)

We continued on to the top. Of course Bearhug and Cuddlebug beat us by a mile but they were waiting at the top to give us a high five and congratulate us for making it (I think I heard them congratulating pretty much everyone else that made it too while they were waiting, lol).

They weren't even the slightest bit winded or tired. I sooo wish I had just a fraction of their energy! I took some "victory" pictures of them at the top of the waterfall :).

The view was beautiful, worth the climb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The park where we went hiking is close to the pumpkin farm, so we had planned to visit the pumpkin farm again for a while before heading home. Unfortunately, the hike was too much overstimulation and Bitty wasn't up for anything else that day. We tried since we had told the boys we'd go, but we only lasted about a minute at the pumpkin farm before Bitty started kicking pumpkins and yelling angrily at them (something along the lines of "I don' WANNA SEE A PUH-KIN!!!") :(. We showed him the sign that says "no stepping on, kicking, sitting on the pumpkins" etc. and he yelled "I don' WANNA WEAD DA SIGN!!!" so we knew it was time to go and try again another day.

We did manage to pick up a couple of pumpkin pies before we left (because it's a long drive and we were already there) only because I offered to give Bitty "uppers" (carry him). Thankfully Cuddlebug and Bearhug were ok with leaving early, and we did make it out before Bitty reached full meltdown mode. Once we got into the car Bitty started to settle down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This post has been submitted for this month's S-O-S Best of the Best Blog Carnival. The topic is "share a moment from your family life, whether it’s funny, loving, or just special." Our hiking trip gave us some much-needed family relaxing time and it was a fun activity for the boys. Even though we did end up having to cut the planned activities short and spend the rest of the day decompressing we made some good memories that day :).

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Conversations with Bitty

Bitty asked me one evening as I took him upstairs to tuck him in for bed, "does me hab schoo tomowwow?"

I couldn't help but smile, his wording is too cute but it is also an indicator of just how far he's come with his speech and communication skills. You may notice that he didn't say, "do YOU hab schoo tomowwow?"

After a LOT of time and effort, he uses the pronoun "you" correctly most of the time now, meaning referring to the person he's speaking to and not to himself.

It didn't occur to me that there would be a "next step" of differentiating between I and me (is the English language complicated or what?!) until we started hearing sentences like the one I started this post with:

"Does me hab schoo tomowwow?"
"Iss me sick?" (he had to stay home from school a couple of days this week as he was running a fever, he's feeling better now).

Other times (usually at the beginning of a sentence now that I think of it) he does great:

"I don' WIKE DAT!" (we hear that one a lot, sigh)
"I not hungry"

However he decides to word things, I remain infinitely grateful that he is (mostly) willing and able to communicate with us. It means the world to have some insight into what he's thinking (even though sometimes he still leaves us guessing).

He often likes to ask questions that we think he already knows the answer to. Maybe he likes the reassurance of hearing the answers again, maybe he's just making conversation.

For example, he drives his brothers crazy asking things like "do you wike Pokemon?", "wha'ss you fay-brit cuh-wer? Iss wed you fay-brit cuh-wer?" or "do you wike Kirby-right-back-at-YA?" (a cartoon that apparently went off the air years ago but still lives on YouTube).

If he deems the answer "unacceptable" he can be very persistent (ie. when Cuddlebug tried to tell him he doesn't have a favorite color). That can lead to some funny conversations, like Cuddlebug making up random names for colors that don't exist because he refuses to just pick a color and Bitty refuses to stop asking until he gets a satisfactory answer.

Bitty still tends to ignore us at times, and it can take a LOT of effort and repetition to get any kind of response when we are trying to ask him something or initiate a conversation with him. Or (gasp!) trying to get him to do something.

But other times he will actually seek us out and I am loving these little interactions:

Bitty, to me: "Iss Kirby a pink ball?" (grinning)
me: "Yes, Kirby is a big pink ball."
Bitty: "Does Mom wike Kirby?"
me: "Of course I love Kirby, he's one of my favorite characters!"
Bitty smiles in response.
me: "Do YOU like Kirby?"
Bitty smiles even bigger, nodding his head emphatically with a huge grin. Priceless :)

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Redirect... FAIL

We were at church Sunday and Bitty was wired, running up and down the halls with the occasional screech. He's been really having a hard time at church lately, but that's another post.

I took him for a walk and he was finally starting to settle down but I sensed he was on edge and would soon take off running again so I tried to distract him with the paintings on the wall.

"Who is that a picture of?" "What are they doing in the picture?" etc.

He wasn't really interested but as we passed the bulletin board I tried again.

"What does that say?"

He shouted, "I KNOW DA SCWIPTURES ARE TRUE!!!"

So much for trying to distract him *quietly* (sigh).

"Ssshhhhh... not so loud, angel."

He looked at me and pointed to the exclamation point at the end of the phrase on the board as he patiently explained, "Dat means WOUD or excited."

Oh... the exclamation point means loud or excited... of course (smiling now and stifling a laugh). He's learned all about punctuation at school.

"How about if we try an excited whisper?"

He did his best excited "whisper" which was not really a whisper but wasn't an ear-piercing yell either.

"I know da scwiptures are TRUE!"

...

Note to self: next time you try to distract Bitty with reading something, make sure there are no exclamation marks in sight.

!!

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